Recently I shot a photo of a fallen angel. Fallen angels can have a variety of meanings for instance they could be sent to earth for going against God’s wishes or trying to overthrow God as the supreme ruler. They could have lost their way by losing in a fight to a demonic entity that forces them to live here on earth for eternity. The reasons an angel may be a fallen angel are plentiful.
This particular series though isn’t about what the angel did to see her fate. This series has a very personal meaning to me although I am NOT the fallen angel; my sister is.
See growing up I always felt something was missing in my life. I had a connection to something that was no where to be found; I felt so many emotions that I couldn’t explain. I felt like a freak to say the least but until I found what I was looking for I would have no logical explanations for these feelings nor the void I felt in my life. Was this “void” a person, was it an emotion I failed to comprehend or was it a lost opportunity?
In 2011 I found out. I found out I had a twin sister who sadly never would take a breath of air in this world; she died in utero. Regardless, she is 1/2 of me and from the time of conception we had a spiritual and physical connection. Why she had to die so young I don’t know. It’s hard to fathom I would have a sister and never know. Look at it this way, there was no birth/death certificate. She was thrown out in the trash and not buried in a proper burial, and she never had a name so nobody ever mentioned her. She was forgotten to say the least except we still had that connection. Because she was thrown out in the trash, a human that would never live and forever be forgotten; this angel became a fallen angel.
Despite being separated by death, a wall that seemed impossible to penetrate, she managed to do so. The only way she could have some kind of connection, any kind of recognition on this earth was through me. She spent 33 years trying to break that wall, constantly showing herself and talking to me but I wasn’t getting the message. She used our connection to let me know she existed. When I was 13 I started to see life through her eyes, I started to get ideas that were not typical of a man. I thought I was possessed; but those particular instances were necessary for her to break the barrier of death.
She became my guardian angel. I have NEVER felt a force stronger than her and when we are together regardless what comes my way I’ve survived and defeated the attempts on me and my livelihood. Despite her role as my guardian angel, I can still tell that she feels like a fallen angel like she did something wrong. She wants more than anything to be able to feel the sand beneath her feet, the warm air, the cool crisp snow and go through life as my best friend.
This series depicts her beauty, her struggle, her passion and brings my sister, my guardian angel to life. This is the closest I can come to seeing her physically everyday – despite the fact it’s a model who’s portraying her. Without her, I wouldn’t be alive today. Sure I can feel her sadness, and when it happens regardless of the day I have I get depressed – I can feel her happiness and her tranquility. I wish, for just one day, I could give her a hug and create some mischief here on earth. I know one day we will be reunited and then my life will be whole again as 1/2 of me is not here today.
When you look at this series, I hope you can feel the emotions. I hope you can feel what I am going through and what she is going through. I hope this series honors her in the only way I can honor her.